i'm not sure what kind of survival mechanism this is, but i'm becoming reckless. sobriety and stillness burn slow, so i drink and flirt and pull at her hair a little harder than playful. he wants to explain how i've hurt him but i haven't finished arguing with myself. if he only knew how. laugh loudly and curse louder and i can't hear anything else. so little means so much, but i care so little about the little things. so i'm forgetful, careless, vapid and distant. i toss words out just to see how they float, and if it offends, i simply shrug because i didn't mean them anyways. how insufferable i must be becoming.