i'm having a hard time grasping the days as it slinks by. i feel my weight within them, solid and struggling against the tenderness, and yet, so effortlessly, i'm ebbed through it all, unseeing, awkward, hollow. a pill in the morning, a pill at night, caffeine to speak, alcohol to shut down. how tediously drugged i am, colorless and monotonous.

of course, there are breaks in the wretchedness. a charming anecdote, a dry joke, a hungry fuck. moments of calm before you dive under another wave.

perhaps it's just that i'm simply too indulgent.