don't leave me here

lately it's been long days of boredom broken by bursts of frantic fits. taking law school finals is not as hard as i expected it to be, but boring like i haven't even imagined to bore. i spend hours making lines under lines over lines and not learning much but mere lines.

jamie makes me feel and so i do.

i think of ways to do away with myself, but it's hard to forget why. and so i always come back to myself. there's something that i always believe so much to be a part of myself, something that whether true or not, i refuse to believe that i can change, that i will never let it go. and so i wear my pain loosely and hope that it will slip away.

i dream of being someplace beautiful. where streets are uneven and ripped apart and the walls are grey, smudged with human dirt. i want to walk to buy my chocolate, and take the train to a friend's house. and i'm having a hard time accepting that it just is.